Waking Moments

Spinning Thoughts-- When Will It Stop??
Current mood: blank
Category: Life
May 5th 2009

You wake up every morning with what thought in your head?

Coffee? -- Shower? -- Is there gas in the car? -- Are the kids awake? -- What time is it? -- How much longer can I push off getting up? -- Is my job still gonna be there when I get up? -- How much is my pay check this week? -- Is there milk? -- Did I pay that bill?

Why should your first thought always be a worry? Why can't there be a day where you wake up and stretch, fell the long eight hours of sleep through your body and just be happy that your alive and well. Flex the muscles, blink, focus, breathe, find that happy moment.

Everyone has day to day things that have to be done. That is just a part of life. But it is what you do with that little extra that counts, whether is be love someone, hang out with your friends, family, your kids, even just time by yourself is the real reason we are here.

Lately I feel as if i have been walking around in a haze. It is the same ol.. everyday. Wake up, coffee, shower, find clothing, wake the kids, dress the kids, feed the kids, Brush teeth, grab the purse, lap top, cigs, diaper bag, one kid, the second kid, to the car, seat belt one, seat belt two, seat belt three--- breathe! Ten minute car ride, one off to day care, one to another day care, then silence.

That transitional time. The one where all your morning duties are done and you still have a good twenty minutes before you are due at work. Perfect. The windows get rolled down the CD player gets turned up, and your off. Wind blows in through the open windows, tunes float through the air leaving you completely relaxed for that twenty minutes before you know that the circle will start all over again.

Work: Open, paper work, customers, phone calls, load outs, blah blah blah, then its off to day care, one in the car, drive to the next, take the one out, walk up sign out the other, take both back to car, seat belt one, belt two, belt three, screaming, yelling, crying, finally at home. Toys everywhere, mash potatoes on the floor, rubbed in hair, dirty diaper, bath time, soap bubbles, towel, PJ's, half hour to get them to stay in bed and then--Silence! Sweet and utter silence!

My time... After 14 hours of their time, 14 hours of rushing just to keep your head above water, You get three hours to your self, unless you push sleep back. Three hours to relax, take that calming bath, feel the hot water and soap over your skin, that nice cold glass of wine tempting your lips, the book half started in front of you and candles that you only get to use maybe two nights out of the month are finally getting lit.

A cry--- A door creaks open, "Mommie" ...

The single life!

Do not take things for granted... For you never know how tomorrow will turn out. Rush is rush and I know better then anyone that some times you get lost in that everyday crap and you lose sight of the small things. No matter how tired, how cranky, how fed up I am I would never change my life. I will continue to work, to support my kids, I will fight this economy with both hands and I will spend every waking moment making sure my kids know that I love them both, and that they are the only thing that matters to me know matter how mad I can get sometimes.

When I wake up in the morning the first thought that enters my brain is:

How will my boys make me smile today!

Life!

Walk The Line

Do you ever find yourself on a wire? On the verge, wavering both left and right? Do you constantly re think and idea that you went with? Analyzing every word, every touch, every dream?

The human mind is built that way. You will second guess, even if its in the back of your mind, you will second guess yourself at least five times in one day. And that is the very least. Me, for instance, second guess myself more times that I can think. Even if I know, with in a shadow of a doubt, that I made the right choice, the right decision, I still will think it over and over. Even as I am laying down to sleep, I will wonder-- what if?

Stress runs though our veins even in the simplest decisions. I constantly want to be better-- well ever one wants to be better--- but I need to feel that I am doing the best that I can possible do. Whether it be in my personal life, work like, or social life.

There are some days where going home to lay in my soft bed sounds then best, and yet I will make there past midnight after the list of things I need to accomplish finally gets finished. Then I lie awake for at least an hour wondering if I rushed through my obligations, if maybe I spend just an ounce more of time, it would have been better.

But when is enough? When is it time for relaxation? When is it time to live for yourself and let the little things take care of themselves for a moment?

You have to step back from everyday life and take a nice deep look at how your living. Work isn't the only thing out there for you. the world is huge, time is endless but not measured in life. If you only had one year to live what would you do???

LIVE!!